Sirancha talks about GarfieldEATS.
Sirancha talks about GarfieldEATS.
And Sirancha talks about...GarfieldEATS.
Asterios reveals the terrifying secret of McDonalds All Day Breakfast.
Sirancha is astounded at the longevity of Wendy.
(Wendy from "Survivor," not Wendy's from Wendy's.)
(Who we also love.)
The kids want their heroin.
It's our job to...help?
And: Asterios plays a dangerous game of Would You Rather.
YOUTUBE HATES HIM. Mumkey Jones teaches kids this one weird trick to solving interpersonal conflict at school.
Last week, I spoke to Metal Gear Continuity Expert Drivershaft. I learned about ALL the snakes, even the fake snakes who AREN'T snakes, and I THOUGHT I knew all about the snakes!
But THEN...a guy named Merlot Williams contacted me and said Drivershaft didn't know SHIT about Metal Gear, and HE, Merlot Williams, would set me straight!
WHO KNOWS THE MOST ABOUT METAL GEAR?! Vote!
A podcast to surpass Metal Gear!
There, that's pretty much all I know about this game. That, and he hides under a cardboard box, and that he did that in Smash Brothers, and it was cute. But it's about time I get hip to this Snake-man and his neverending war against-or-for communism in the 1970's. So I sit down with Patreon supporter and Metal Gear expert "Drivershaft" to finally learn enough to fake a conversation!
As a bonus, here's clips of me dying during Metal Gear: Ground Zeroes
Art by the amazing Magi. They did it for free just to be cool, so please follow them at @magipicsandsuch on Twitter!
Hey, our 4th PPV in a month. This doesn't feel like work to follow, that's for sure! We break down the Survivor Series card, Eric reminisces about the Miz's old face turn, and I pitch a surefire way to fix Auska's booking that the WWE will NEVER do. Enjoy!
WATCH HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvDS-x3Ohcc
ok forget the cartoon girls i should not have let these three people into my apartment and given them my cell phone number. they're all insane. each one crazier than the last. one of them goes off on supervillian monologues and the other made a "joke" about carrying illegal weapons then quickly tried to correct his "joke" but it's like...dude, we know. anyway, it's a girl from my superhero academy vs a girl from "kill a la kill" vs a third girl on this week's waifu wars!
Henlo it’s Skinachos. Asterios won’t let me watch anime until I write this post copy, so enjoy this episode of Porg Chatter before I put myself in an Idolm@ster coma like the worthless piece of human garbage that I am. Speaking of rotting garbage, in this episode, we return from the Mecca of Porgs: Orlando, Florida. I have recently come into possession of three new sons:
Caffeine (a coffee cup with a lobotomy)
Who won "The Hell In The Cell?" Certainly not the people who paid hundreds of dollars to not see a finish!
But also: not me. I think Eric beat me by a point or two -- I called The Shield to win both the tag match AND the cage match, and I was dead wrong. Who'd guess the WWE would start protecting its heels?!
This month, we suss out who'll win or lose at The Great Australian Bash, or whatever the hell it's called. And: from now on, we'll be streaming these episodes LIVE, right after the go-home Smackdown, at 10pm EST. So subscribe to youtube.com/asterios for a notification!
Boys Discover These 3 Tricks to Finding Love. Can You Guess Them All? (Hint: Fortnite)
More people could use a little Zwick in their lives!
That's why I'm launching ZWICK APPRECIATION WEEK. It's a campaign to tell content creators about America's Favorite Editor Boi, and find ways for them to work together.
Why would I share my secret weapon? Because he's so goddamn good, I know he could help a LOT of people. Podcasters would sound better, YouTubers would have crisper looking videos...he could make everyone's stuff funnier and lives easier!
Break's time's over, Maddox!
Today, the dashing & debonair Jordan Greenberger asked for sanctions to be scheduled against Maddox, "Jane Doe" & Kevin Landau.
Maddox committed a fraud on the courts...and it's time to face the RAMOS-FICATIONS!
Read the full letter at: https://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/nyscef/ViewDocument?docIndex=Lu7HI_PLUS_8lGOQRbpqGpKI4jw==
Sirancha and I are in Orlando writing a new book and visiting my MOMMY!
We were doing some classic shitposting at the classic chain restaurant "Bahama Breeze" when longtime listener Brady offered us $15 to do a 5MP right on the spot.
So I whipped out my iPhone and hit record...here's what happened!
I love wrestling, and I bet some of the people in this audience do to!
In this new show, me and my old college bestie Larnock The Destroyer predict who's gonna win WWE PPV matches each month.
We keep score, and the loser has to suffer a deliciously ironic punishment.
It's like an Oscar pool, but with even less logic!
We're back! After a long hiatus spent making 983 other podcasts, Science Friction warps in with all-new episode!
And this time, we embrace the NEW. Forget that crusty ol' TNG – this week, we review episodes of 2018's hottest sci-fi shows, including Lost In Space, The Expanse and Altered Carbon.
Never heard of those shows? Me neither – I googled "new sci-fi that the kids like" and just rolled with it, baby!
For the first and last time, Asterios kills some adults.
Producer Jesse here! We've had a whole gaggle of callers since our last episode went live, which is great. Thank you all so much for leaving your voicemails at (347) 705-7617, and for submitting questions through the site.
That said, you all know this is a kid's advice podcast right? Because a few of these callers were obviously not... well here's a taste of the voicemails we received.
please support me on patreon so i can continue to buy crab pizza for the people who come to my apartment: http://www.patreon.com/asterios
What if you could make your living by pissing people off?
That's what Brad Carter of The Phone Losers does. He's a professional prank caller, having made over 30,000 calls since the late 70's.
He puts out FOUR shows a week (two just for his patreons), was called a "corporate terrorist" by CNBC, and is currently on probation for prank calling a Safeway so hard that they ran crying to the FBI.
He's a genuine comedy hero of mine, and I hope you enjoy our chat!
Porgs don't use alcohol to escape their problems. They're only addiction is hugs!
Sadly, Sirancha and I aren't porgs. We open this episode with a, frankly, unusually sincere conversation about how we both need to drink a little less.
But then we talk about Porgs so it's all ok, my dudes!
YES, IT'S ANOTHER NEW PODCAST!!
I know a lot of cool people! Do YOU? If not, you will soon...because I'm forcing them to talk to me on my new podcast, "Asterios Talks To Strangers!"
This week, we talk to my ol' pal Izzy Nobre. He's a Canadian/Brazilian YouTube star known for being a huge goddamn nerd about everything. I order you to love him!!
Asterios Talks To Strangers joins Waifu Wars, Science Friction, Asterios Kills A Kid, Porg Chatter and The Hour-Long Five-Minute Podcast in The Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. Why do I make content like this, instead of like a normal person? I'm not sure! Maybe I'm afraid I'll get bored of making the same show every week? Let's not think about it too hard!
They said it couldn't be done!
They said that there was no way a podcast about porgs would EVER hit 7,000 downloads!
And YOU PROVED THEM WRONG.
Porg Chatter, the only podcast in the world that is EXCLUSIVELY about porgs, just crossed the magic 7,000 download mark. The established mark of excellence and quality for ALL podcasts, porg-centric or otherwise! 7,000 downloads! Let's hear it for ourselves!!
AND HERE'S TO 7,000 MORE EPISODES OF PORG CHATTER!! YES!! YES!! THIS IS NOT A MEME AND WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
If you're anything like me, you've often wondered, "Where's Katie Sackhoff?" She killed it as Starbuck on BSG...so where'd she go? In this episode...WE FIND OUT!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
SF023 stars two of my favorite podcasters: Kevin Cole & Jeff Pennington.
Watch the video here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hjZWAYehr4
Wow. Well, we were gonna have a fun debate in this episode, but Sirancha kinda short circuits one of the girls immediately by pointing out their dark, criminal past. I gotta say -- this may have been the most fun I've had on Waifu Wars, just watching Sirnachos go ham in an anime debate.
If you wanna see Waifu Wars four days early, pledge for just a buck at patreon.com/asterios
i had to get REAL tore up to sit through this. it's a weird discussion where some guy, i guess he's youtube famous or something (his name is "Wang?") keeps talking about these cartoons like they're pieces of meat and it's just very uncomfortable. i mean literal pieces of meat, like he literally talks about their "thigh meat" and "drumsticks." god i almost threw up writing that. and sirancha's no help, she's just sitting there bidding on love live drinking glasses on ebay the whole time. why do i do this. do i hate myself THIS much?