The Five Minute Podcast: Island Time

September 21, 2018

Sirancha and I are in Orlando writing a new book and visiting my MOMMY!

We were doing some classic shitposting at the classic chain restaurant "Bahama Breeze" when longtime listener Brady offered us $15 to do a 5MP right on the spot.

So I whipped out my iPhone and hit record...here's what happened!

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Generic Wrestling Podcast #1: Generic Hell In A Cell Main Event

September 16, 2018

I love wrestling, and I bet some of the people in this audience do to! 

In this new show, me and my old college bestie Larnock The Destroyer predict who's gonna win WWE PPV matches each month. 

We keep score, and the loser has to suffer a deliciously ironic punishment.

It's like an Oscar pool, but with even less logic!

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Science Friction 024: Longboned

September 14, 2018

We're back! After a long hiatus spent making 983 other podcasts, Science Friction warps in with all-new episode!

And this time, we embrace the NEW. Forget that crusty ol' TNG – this week, we review episodes of 2018's hottest sci-fi shows, including Lost In Space, The Expanse and Altered Carbon.

Never heard of those shows? Me neither – I googled "new sci-fi that the kids like" and just rolled with it, baby!

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Porg Chatter #9: Porg Law

September 7, 2018

The fuck? I'm not even IN this episode! Some Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory this turned out to be...here's the description from the Mother of Porgs herself, Siranche:

Read the rest of this entry »

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The Asterios Showkkinos #0-A: The Parker Luck

September 4, 2018

It's The Parker Luck, and I've got it bad. And that's good news for Maddox.

BUT: eventually, Peter Parker wins. You can't run from justice forever, George!

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The Asterios Showkkinos #0: The Ticking Clock

August 30, 2018

I'm being sued. I'm still being sued. I might be being sued forever. Here's the story!

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Asterios Kills A Kid #6: Kick His Hopes & Dreams

August 23, 2018

For the first and last time, Asterios kills some adults.

Producer Jesse here! We've had a whole gaggle of callers since our last episode went live, which is great. Thank you all so much for leaving your voicemails at (347) 705-7617, and for submitting questions through the site.

That said, you all know this is a kid's advice podcast right? Because a few of these callers were obviously not... well here's a taste of the voicemails we received.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Voyagerges #1: That’s Not How Evolution Works

August 16, 2018
Is Voyager as bad as we remember?
 
As a kid, I gave Voyager like 6 episodes before getting bored. And I remember thinking to myself, "That's weird, I literally cry if I miss an episode of Deep Space Nine. Why don't I care about this show?"
 
I didn't hate Janeway, Chakotay, or Tuvok. I didn't hate the ship, the CGI or the music. I even liked the premise -- Star Trek meets Lost In Space, which was a show I knew an UNUSUAL amount about for a teenager in the 90's.
 
In the 2000's, the internet becomes a Voyager hate machine. The internet hates Voyager so much that I start to think, "God, was it THIS bad, or were we just disappointed in Star Trek as a whole?"
 
In the 2010's, the internet becomes a Voyager LOVE FEST. Everyone's watching it on Netflix and talking about how it had "a lot of good episodes" and how "Seven of Nine was pretty great" and "Robert Picardo was awesome" and I think:
 
Wait, was I wrong about Voyager?
 
So that's what this new addition to the Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory is all about. I'm gonna talk to Voyager fans and watch Voyager episodes and see if I can figure out what the hell's going on here.
 
I hope you enjoy our first episode, featuring Ballard Boyd, segment director for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert!
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Porg Chatter #8: Hygiene

August 9, 2018

Sirancha continues to torture me with her "Best Debate" parody series in this week's episode of PORG CHATTER!

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Waifu Wars 006: Please Ignore Those Gunshots Outside with Assburger & Mumkey Jones!

July 31, 2018

please support me on patreon so i can continue to buy crab pizza for the people who come to my apartment: http://www.patreon.com/asterios

Read the rest of this entry »

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Porg Chatter #7: There Is No Porgcast

July 26, 2018

Sirancha and I have a new porg!

He's Wallard's brother, but he's very small, so his name is...SMOLLARD:

Read the rest of this entry »

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Asterios Kills A Kid #5: Big, Soft & Cushiony

July 19, 2018

To Catch a Thrift-Shop-Owner, getting mean taunts out of your orbit, and what to do when you discover your teacher's twitter account...

Read the rest of this entry »

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Asterios Talks To Strangers: The Phone Losers

July 16, 2018

What if you could make your living by pissing people off?

That's what Brad Carter of The Phone Losers does. He's a professional prank caller, having made over 30,000 calls since the late 70's.

He puts out FOUR shows a week (two just for his patreons), was called a "corporate terrorist" by CNBC, and is currently on probation for prank calling a Safeway so hard that they ran crying to the FBI.

He's a genuine comedy hero of mine, and I hope you enjoy our chat!

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Porg Chatter #6: Population Control

July 5, 2018

Porgs don't use alcohol to escape their problems. They're only addiction is hugs! 

Sadly, Sirancha and I aren't porgs. We open this episode with a, frankly, unusually sincere conversation about how we both need to drink a little less.

But then we talk about Porgs so it's all ok, my dudes!

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Asterios Talks To Strangers: Izzy Nobre

June 29, 2018

YES, IT'S ANOTHER NEW PODCAST!!

I know a lot of cool people! Do YOU? If not, you will soon...because I'm forcing them to talk to me on my new podcast, "Asterios Talks To Strangers!"

This week, we talk to my ol' pal Izzy Nobre. He's a Canadian/Brazilian YouTube star known for being a huge goddamn nerd about everything. I order you to love him!!

Asterios Talks To Strangers joins Waifu Wars, Science Friction, Asterios Kills A Kid, Porg Chatter and The Hour-Long Five-Minute Podcast in The Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. Why do I make content like this, instead of like a normal person? I'm not sure! Maybe I'm afraid I'll get bored of making the same show every week? Let's not think about it too hard!

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Porg Chatter #5: Twitch Chatter [7,000 Download Special]

June 20, 2018

They said it couldn't be done!

They said that there was no way a podcast about porgs would EVER hit 7,000 downloads!

And YOU PROVED THEM WRONG.

Porg Chatter, the only podcast in the world that is EXCLUSIVELY about porgs, just crossed the magic 7,000 download mark. The established mark of excellence and quality for ALL podcasts, porg-centric or otherwise! 7,000 downloads! Let's hear it for ourselves!!

AND HERE'S TO 7,000 MORE EPISODES OF PORG CHATTER!! YES!! YES!! THIS IS NOT A MEME AND WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS

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Science Friction 023: Catfish Fan Fiction

June 14, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

If you're anything like me, you've often wondered, "Where's Katie Sackhoff?" She killed it as Starbuck on BSG...so where'd she go? In this episode...WE FIND OUT!

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

SF023 stars two of my favorite podcasters: Kevin Cole & Jeff Pennington.

Kevin DM's a D&D podcast called Pretend Friends, and Jeff runs a Star Trek podcast called M-Class. I love both of these dudes, and after you listen, you will too!

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Waifu Wars 005: Sirancha Strikes Back!

June 8, 2018

Watch the video here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hjZWAYehr4

Wow. Well, we were gonna have a fun debate in this episode, but Sirancha kinda short circuits one of the girls immediately by pointing out their dark, criminal past. I gotta say -- this may have been the most fun I've had on Waifu Wars, just watching Sirnachos go ham in an anime debate.

If you wanna see Waifu Wars four days early, pledge for just a buck at patreon.com/asterios

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Porg Chatter #4: Porgs Energy

May 31, 2018
 
"PORGS!" It's not just something you scream during sex...it's also the name of the latest canonical Star Wars cartoon, "PORGS!" 
 
And we review the fuck out of "PORGS!" on this all-new episode of Porg Chatter. You can watch the two minute short, "PORGS!", by clicking here.
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Waifu Wars 004: Three Waifus, One Weeb

May 14, 2018

i had to get REAL tore up to sit through this. it's a weird discussion where some guy, i guess he's youtube famous or something (his name is "Wang?") keeps talking about these cartoons like they're pieces of meat and it's just very uncomfortable. i mean literal pieces of meat, like he literally talks about their "thigh meat" and "drumsticks." god i almost threw up writing that. and sirancha's no help, she's just sitting there bidding on love live drinking glasses on ebay the whole time. why do i do this. do i hate myself THIS much?

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Porg Chatter #3: Soverign Porgs

May 11, 2018

In an all porg judicial system, nothing would get done...EXCEPT SNUGGLES AND HUGS! Sure, innocent men would likely be put to death, but you gotta break a few eggs.

BUT NOT PORG EGGS.

DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THIS, YOU MONSTER.

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Asterios Kills A Kid #4: Positivity: Fake It ‘Till You Make It

May 10, 2018
 
When they're not helping kids untangle their spaghetti brain, or getting them more views on YouTube, Asterios and Sriracha are helping mold our future cult leaders.

The Hour Long 5 Minute Podcast #2: You Handsom Son of a Bitch!

May 9, 2018

We talk a lot about TV in this one! Because I was raised on TV, love TV, and will die holding a TV in my arms!

Read the rest of this entry »

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Waifu Wars 003: The Madoka Magica Melee

May 8, 2018

Holy shit these three weebs will not shut the fuck up about some dumb cartoon where Sailor Moon girls make wishes and become god and then someone steals half of God's power by invading Sailor Moon "valhalla" and becomes the devil. I'm not kidding or exaggerating at all: that is what this show is about. I thought it was called "Mediko Mekaniko" but it's actually called "Madoka Magica" and the girls seem pretty cool but I kinda don't know why we have to have a dark take on Sailor Moon.

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BONUS: Is Science Friction Kino? with Mumkey Jones & Ass Burger

May 8, 2018

Yes, his name is "Ass Burger!"

On his second channel, my ol' pal Mumkey Jones has a movie podcast called "Is It Kino?" Last night, we decided to mash it up with some Science Friction, and record a knock down, drag out, incredibly civil discussion about Avengers: Infinity War.

Enjoy, and happy tuesday!

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Science Friction 022: #Keto

April 25, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

THE GREAT VOYAGER DEBATE!!

No joke: my two guests Marly Halpern-Graser & Josie Campbell love Voyager. Josie likes it more than Deep Space Nine, which is insane to me, but god damn if she didn't make some pretty compelling points. We spend over a goddamn hour REALLY hashing out Voyager.   It's an intense thrill ride of non-stop pedantry, ONLY ON SCIENCE FRICTION!!!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Marly Halpern-Graser     |     @MarlyHG

Josie Campbell     |     @CozyJamble

 

PRODUCED BY ZWICK!!!

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Science Friction 021: The Guay System

April 13, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

I talk with two of my favorite people – animation writers Marly Halpern–Graser & Josie Campbell school me on how to write for Batman, The Teen Titans, and pretty much all the DC superheroes that you've ever seen on Cartoon Network. 

Plus: we talk about how we're GOING to talk about Voyager, but never get around to it, so you'll hear that in the NEXT episode!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Josie Campbell     |      @CozyJamble

Marly Halpern–Graser     |     @MarlyHG

 

PRODUCED BY ZWICK!

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The Hour Long 5 Minute Podcast #1: “My Name’s Sheldon, Sheldon Cooper”

April 5, 2018

Welcome back to The Five Minute Podcast! It's a special series I do every once in a while for my patreon subscribers – they each send me a topic, and I create a special little podcast just for them. Enjoy this batch!

Read the rest of this entry »

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Waifu Wars 002: Misa Amane vs You Watanabe…with Mumkey Jones!

March 30, 2018

Hey! If you've already seen this episode on my YouTube station – apologies. If not...listen up! And watch the fun at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59jpi5dIKLE

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Porg Chatter #2: Porgcentricity

March 28, 2018

We bought a porg! He's gigantic and adorable, and you'll hear all about him in this brand new episode of Porg Chatter

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Asterios Kills A Kid #3: “Cuss Control”

March 26, 2018

A kid calls the teacher "Dad", a teen's edgelord friends are growing up, and a boy is literally fighting off girl's advances. Read the rest of this entry »

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Porg Chatter #0: Porgblic Relations

March 7, 2018

 

Welcome to the unreleased pilot episode of PORG CHATTER! In this week's episode, Serancho and I discuss the world's most important fictional characters – PORGS – and how we can help Disney sell more of them. 

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Asterios Kills A Kid #2: The Birds & The Wasps

March 1, 2018

Wasp sting your friend? 8th graders steal your snowball? A girl has bigger boobs than you? This episode's all about getting your revenge.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Science Friction 020: The Limbaugh Time Loop

February 25, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

I'm joined by my comedy heroes from the legendary Chicago sketch comedy troupe Superpunk! You can hear their podcast here – I suggest starting with episode 11.

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Mike Betette     |     @Betette

Phillip Mottaz     |     @PhillipMottaz

 

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Waifu Wars 001: Misaka vs Louise

February 16, 2018

Welcome to Waifu Wars! It's a YouTube series where me and Sirancho interview REAL ANIME NERDS and help them find the two-dimensional love of their lives. You can watch the video here.

In our first episode, which was actually made months ago but fuck it, we meet "Chuck." He's a real-life meme, as the commander of "Fort Waifu."

He loves two different fictional girls – Louise something, and Misaka something. I know nothing about them, and he seems creepily into their panties. Let's listen!

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Asterios Kills A Kid #1: “I Never Wanna To Grow Up!”

February 12, 2018

Welcome to the very first episode of Asterios Kills a Kid! We've got a site, the sound bits, a sexy thumbnail* – no workflow though! Who's supposed to write these descriptions? I don't know, I'm just the web designer. Ah well, fuck it here I go.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Porg Chatter #1: The Cloaca

February 8, 2018

Welcome to PORG CHATTER! The world's first and only podcast dedicated entirely to PORGS. In our first amazing episode, we examine Disney's first out-and-proud gay couple, who happen to be PORGS! Proof above!

But for the WHOLE story, you're gonna have to listen...to PORG CHATTER! Hosted by Sriracha, with special guests Whang, Luke Simmons & Asterios Kokkinos.

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Science Friction 019: Decking Off

January 25, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

It's our first ever digital-cyber call episode! Star Wars Minute host Alex Robinson and YouTube sensation Mumkey Jones dial in from their respective hideouts and discuss Kevin Smith, Degrassi: The Next Generation, and just how insidious these damn Pokémon games are.

 

THIS WEEK'S GUESTS:

Alex Robinson (Star Wars Minute)     |      @ARobTwit

Mumkey Jones (YouTube SUPERSTAR)     |      @MumkeyJones

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Science Friction 018: Never Tell Me The Oz

January 4, 2018

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

I had to move heaven and earth, but I finally scheduled two bona-fide Star Wars experts to REALLY get into The Last Jedi. Joining me: Pete the Retailer from Star Wars Minute, and Cake Boss Ralph, who crashed on my couch after the recording in his Chewbacca PJ's!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Pete The Retailer     |     @PeteTheRetailer

Cake Boss Ralph     |     @CakeBossRalph

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Science Friction 017: Switch It Up!

December 14, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

Live from a way-too-nice-thanks-to-Hotwire hotel room in Chicago! I play Nintendo Switch for the first time ever, experiencing the bizarre and hat-centric world of Super Mario Odyssey!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Clover Caveda     |     @CloverCaveda

Zwick     |     @dude2o

Bryan Boland     |     @RedheadBryan     |    I Deserve This Podcast

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Science Friction 016: Drunk Diver

December 1, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

Live from an AMC movie theater in Times Square, it's three stoned assholes talking about JUSTICE LEAGUE!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Jason Pickar | @jasonpickar

Eric Larnick |     I FORGET

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Science Frictoin 015: Emotional Support Porg

November 17, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

PORGS!!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Joan Haley Ford    |     @JoanHaleyFord

Ed Galvez     |     @EdGalvez

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Science Friction 014: Kool Skool

November 2, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

The crew reacts to the latest Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer! Was our love for it as large as the size difference between Starkiller Base and the Death Star 1? Listen in & find out!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW: 

Joey Clift     |     @joeytainment

Amanda Meadows     |     @amandonium

Geoffrey Golden     |     @geoffreygolden

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Science Friction 013: Hipsters and Mormons

October 19, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

I finally get around to watching the pilot to Star Trek: Discovery! Was it an Enterprise-D...or an Enterprise-B? Listen up!

With special guest star / one of my only friends left, Dick Masterson!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Dick Masterson | The Dick Show | @dickmasterson (Gab)

Sriracnaha | PARTS UNKNOWN

 

PRODUCED BY ZWICK!

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Science Friction 012: Bernie for Beastiality

October 5, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

It's our first ever "sorry this audio is so fucked up" episode!

Short version: I was very drunk on delicious alcohol sent to me by listener Oscar from Birmingham, and did everything wrong. 

Longer version: the gain on my mic was turned up 2x. I saw my waveform as way bigger than everyone else's, but I thought, "You're a big fucking loudmouth, I'm sure this is nothing."

And boy, was it something!

Anyway: I'm sorry and I'll do better next week. Also: a listener asked for an Animorphs round, and I found a way to do one despite knowing nothing about the Animorphs. 

Got something YOU want covered on the show? Tweet it to me, @asterios! I always wanna learn more stuff – or in this case, not learn.

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Alex Marino     |     @JAlexMarino

Pikachai     |     @Pikachai_MFC

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Science Friction 011: Instant Virgin Detector

September 7, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

Our intrepid crew of comedians plays Bridge Simulator Simulator, and we hear a case inside Asterios Kokkinos' Continuity Court! It's the trial of that one joke from The Simpsons where the cast from Cheers showed up, and you'll ONLY hear the verdict on Science Friction!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW: 

Justine Barron     |     @jewstein3000

Megan Sass     |     @Megan_Sass

Austin Wolf-Sothern      |      @wolfsothern

Eric Larnick     |        @iamryback/

 

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Science Friction 010: Husbando Pillow

August 24, 2017

 

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

WHAT is a Husbando Pillow and WHY does Crystal Beth want one? You gotta listen to find out, which I guess you're already kinda doing if you're reading this, so hello! 

This week's mission: THE TRIAL OF RICK AND MORTY SEASON 3! Is it amazing, shitty, or more of the same? Our guests play judge, jury and executor, Judge Dredd style! Also, much like Judge Dredd, it would be better if Karl Urban was there.

AND: We play another new game, "BEST OR THE WORST," where our panelists discuss their favorite and least-favorite entries in the MCU! But first, I have to teach these fucking clowns what the MCU is. Can you believe these people?

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Alex J. Marino     |     @jalexmarino

Crystal Beth     |     @thecrystalbeth

Pete The Retailer     |     @petetheretailer

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Science Friction 009: Gabagool Off!

August 10, 2017

 ***ZWICK AUTHORIZATION CODE DELTA TWO OSCAR***

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls!

Hurry along, now!

Sorry if this a little late but, it's worth the wait!

This episode has the chills of This Week In Geek...

...and the thrills of One Minute D&D!

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Caitlin Barrett (The Brand Hole™)     |     @badnewsbarrett

Ralph Attanasia III     |     @CakeBossRalph

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Science Friction 008: Why Not Sword Bird?

July 27, 2017

THIS WEEK'S MISSION:

I'm writing this description like a year after we recorded this episode because I forgot to last time so...maybe we talk about...ALF?

 

THIS WEEK'S CREW:

Carol Hartsell (Full Frontal)     |     @carolrhartsell

Sean Crespo (Full Frontal)     |     @SeanCrespo

Ballard C. Boyd (The Late Show w/Stephen Colbert)     |     @ballardcboyd

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