THE LOUDEST PODCAST #12: Law School Virgin
April 22, 2019
Sirancha reads a book from a promising new author.
Asterios extols the virtues of The Big Bang Theory.
And god help JJ if there are no porgs in Episode IX...
#11: A Firing Squad of Dicks
April 15, 2019
Sirancha reveals the worst thing she's ever heard.
Asterios mansplains McDonalds to Sirancha, a former McDonalds employee.
It's the second worst thing she's ever heard.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#10: Everything You Wanted To Know About GarfieldEATS & Sex
April 8, 2019
Sirancha talks about GarfieldEATS.
Sirancha talks about GarfieldEATS.
And Sirancha talks about...GarfieldEATS.
#LOUDEQUALSFUNNY
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#9: Normal Porn For Normal People
April 1, 2019
Sirancha wants better porn for women.
Asterios has a few ideas.
Sirancha hates them.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#8: WackDonalds Secrets & Sirancha’s Survivor Screed
March 25, 2019
Asterios reveals the terrifying secret of McDonalds All Day Breakfast.
Sirancha is astounded at the longevity of Wendy.
(Wendy from "Survivor," not Wendy's from Wendy's.)
(Who we also love.)
#7: To Catch One, You Must Be One
March 18, 2019
Sirancha loves Cilantro.
Asterios hates ASMR.
And Tallard sees...beyond the veil.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#6: Fan Unboxings + Sirancha’s Survivor Showdown!
March 11, 2019
Sirancha is enraged at this year's Survivor twist.
Asterios opens a very emotional gift.
And both want you to play Tiny Bird Garden.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#5: Asterios Kills A Kid Presents, “Hard Up For Heroin!”
March 4, 2019
The kids want their heroin.
It's our job to...help?
And: Asterios plays a dangerous game of Would You Rather.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#4: Waifu Wars LIVE!
February 25, 2019
It's like Sirancha always says:
"You cant watch anime without seeing a little brother-fucking."
FFS.
#3: Who Is The Worst Fictional Animal?
February 18, 2019
Sirancha hates Chewbacca.
Asterios hates Bambi.
And our lovely callers hate making sense.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
#2: Memes Are A Secret Shame
February 11, 2019
Sirancha has some sharp opinions on the Shaggy meme.
Asterios insists Porg Chatter isn't dead.
And a pornographic comic book featuring our hosts gets some story notes.
#1: Three Foot Resting Beauty
February 5, 2019
IT'S THE FIRST EPISODE OF THE LOUDEST PODCAST!
THE LOUDEST PODCAST ON THE INTERNET.
HOSTED BY SIRANCHA & ASTERIOS KOKKINOS.
WE LOVE YOU.
http://www.patreon.com/asterios
Porg Chatter #13: A Porg Chatter Christmas
December 25, 2018
Last minute gift ideas for your porgs! Birds in diapers! Sexy lady foxes! And WHO is...Lego-lass??
All this and MORE in this very special episode of Porg Chatter. Happy Holidays!
Asterios Kills A Kid #9: Too Many Edgelords (with Mumkey Jones!)
December 20, 2018
YOUTUBE HATES HIM. Mumkey Jones teaches kids this one weird trick to solving interpersonal conflict at school.
Asterios Talks To Strangers #5: Metal Gear REBUTTAL With Metal Gear Expert Merlot Williams
December 13, 2018
Last week, I spoke to Metal Gear Continuity Expert Drivershaft. I learned about ALL the snakes, even the fake snakes who AREN'T snakes, and I THOUGHT I knew all about the snakes!
But THEN...a guy named Merlot Williams contacted me and said Drivershaft didn't know SHIT about Metal Gear, and HE, Merlot Williams, would set me straight!
WHO KNOWS THE MOST ABOUT METAL GEAR?! Vote!
http://www.strawpoll.me/17020253
Asterios Talks To Strangers #4: Metal Gear Continuity Expert Drivershaft
December 6, 2018
A podcast to surpass Metal Gear!
There, that's pretty much all I know about this game. That, and he hides under a cardboard box, and that he did that in Smash Brothers, and it was cute. But it's about time I get hip to this Snake-man and his neverending war against-or-for communism in the 1970's. So I sit down with Patreon supporter and Metal Gear expert "Drivershaft" to finally learn enough to fake a conversation!
As a bonus, here's clips of me dying during Metal Gear: Ground Zeroes
https://clips.twitch.tv/DeadNiceAnteaterHumbleLife
https://clips.twitch.tv/PiercingBoxyOrangeOMGScoots
https://clips.twitch.tv/PluckyTallToothStrawBeary
https://clips.twitch.tv/NeighborlyAbrasiveSaladBloodTrail
Porg Chatter #12: A Porg Chatter Thanksgiving
November 22, 2018
This week, we discuss the crypto crash, Asterios' awful alarm clock, The Good Doctor, mailed-in-a-box meats, MadBondz, drug addictions, McDonalds cups, and...PORGS-GIVING!
Art by the amazing Magi. They did it for free just to be cool, so please follow them at @magipicsandsuch on Twitter!
Generic Wrestling Podcast #4: Generic Forced Interbrand Conflict PPV
November 17, 2018
Hey, our 4th PPV in a month. This doesn't feel like work to follow, that's for sure! We break down the Survivor Series card, Eric reminisces about the Miz's old face turn, and I pitch a surefire way to fix Auska's booking that the WWE will NEVER do. Enjoy!
Asterios Kills A Kid #8: Satirical ID
November 9, 2018
What to eat when you're high, how to get a fake ID, and more kid's questions are discussed SATIRICALLY with SATIRE this episode.
Voyagerges 002: Creative Differences
November 1, 2018
What do you do when you're three seasons deep and out of ideas?
You get META, baby!
This week, we discuss VOY 3x24, "Worst Case Scenario."
Waifu Wars 007: The Criminal In My Apartment
October 30, 2018
WATCH HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvDS-x3Ohcc
ok forget the cartoon girls i should not have let these three people into my apartment and given them my cell phone number. they're all insane. each one crazier than the last. one of them goes off on supervillian monologues and the other made a "joke" about carrying illegal weapons then quickly tried to correct his "joke" but it's like...dude, we know. anyway, it's a girl from my superhero academy vs a girl from "kill a la kill" vs a third girl on this week's waifu wars!
Porg Chatter #11: Orlando: The Mecca of Porgs
October 25, 2018
Henlo it’s Skinachos. Asterios won’t let me watch anime until I write this post copy, so enjoy this episode of Porg Chatter before I put myself in an Idolm@ster coma like the worthless piece of human garbage that I am. Speaking of rotting garbage, in this episode, we return from the Mecca of Porgs: Orlando, Florida. I have recently come into possession of three new sons:
Caffeine (a coffee cup with a lobotomy)
Generic Wrestling Podcast #2: Generic Australian Government Funded Entertainment Event
October 4, 2018
Who won "The Hell In The Cell?" Certainly not the people who paid hundreds of dollars to not see a finish!
But also: not me. I think Eric beat me by a point or two -- I called The Shield to win both the tag match AND the cage match, and I was dead wrong. Who'd guess the WWE would start protecting its heels?!
This month, we suss out who'll win or lose at The Great Australian Bash, or whatever the hell it's called. And: from now on, we'll be streaming these episodes LIVE, right after the go-home Smackdown, at 10pm EST. So subscribe to youtube.com/asterios for a notification!
Asterios Kills A Kid #7: Women Sure Are Complicated
October 4, 2018
Boys Discover These 3 Tricks to Finding Love. Can You Guess Them All? (Hint: Fortnite)
Asterios Talks To Strangers #3: Zwick Appreciation Week!
October 1, 2018
More people could use a little Zwick in their lives!
That's why I'm launching ZWICK APPRECIATION WEEK. It's a campaign to tell content creators about America's Favorite Editor Boi, and find ways for them to work together.
Why would I share my secret weapon? Because he's so goddamn good, I know he could help a LOT of people. Podcasters would sound better, YouTubers would have crisper looking videos...he could make everyone's stuff funnier and lives easier!
Porg Chatter #10: Tallard
September 27, 2018
Ohayo gozaimasu! It’s Srirancha back with a brand new track—and it’s a new episode of Porg Chatter!
Yesterday, I got so high that I forgot how to work my own limbs. But you know whodoesn’t need help using his arms and legs to move her fat lil body? Not Tallard, my new 4ft tall porg—she’s massive. And also not real. I recently made a video on Twitch unboxing Tallard, which some of you Jesus-needing fucks apparently found sexual. There’s nothing sexual about the pure unbridled love between a girl and her 4ft tall chubby baby. On this episode of Porg Chatter, we review Tallard and discuss whether or not she came from an abusive household. Thanks for listening!
The Asterios Showkkinos #0-B: Sanctions Away, Maddox!
September 26, 2018
Break's time's over, Maddox!
Today, the dashing & debonair Jordan Greenberger asked for sanctions to be scheduled against Maddox, "Jane Doe" & Kevin Landau.
Maddox committed a fraud on the courts...and it's time to face the RAMOS-FICATIONS!
Read the full letter at: https://iapps.courts.state.ny.us/nyscef/ViewDocument?docIndex=Lu7HI_PLUS_8lGOQRbpqGpKI4jw==
The Five Minute Podcast: Island Time
September 21, 2018
Sirancha and I are in Orlando writing a new book and visiting my MOMMY!
We were doing some classic shitposting at the classic chain restaurant "Bahama Breeze" when longtime listener Brady offered us $15 to do a 5MP right on the spot.
So I whipped out my iPhone and hit record...here's what happened!
Generic Wrestling Podcast #1: Generic Hell In A Cell Main Event
September 16, 2018
I love wrestling, and I bet some of the people in this audience do to!
In this new show, me and my old college bestie Larnock The Destroyer predict who's gonna win WWE PPV matches each month.
We keep score, and the loser has to suffer a deliciously ironic punishment.
It's like an Oscar pool, but with even less logic!
Science Friction 024: Longboned
September 14, 2018
We're back! After a long hiatus spent making 983 other podcasts, Science Friction warps in with all-new episode!
And this time, we embrace the NEW. Forget that crusty ol' TNG – this week, we review episodes of 2018's hottest sci-fi shows, including Lost In Space, The Expanse and Altered Carbon.
Never heard of those shows? Me neither – I googled "new sci-fi that the kids like" and just rolled with it, baby!
Porg Chatter #9: Porg Law
September 7, 2018
The fuck? I'm not even IN this episode! Some Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory this turned out to be...here's the description from the Mother of Porgs herself, Siranche:
The Asterios Showkkinos #0-A: The Parker Luck
September 4, 2018
It's The Parker Luck, and I've got it bad. And that's good news for Maddox.
BUT: eventually, Peter Parker wins. You can't run from justice forever, George!
The Asterios Showkkinos #0: The Ticking Clock
August 30, 2018
I'm being sued. I'm still being sued. I might be being sued forever. Here's the story!
Asterios Kills A Kid #6: Kick His Hopes & Dreams
August 23, 2018
For the first and last time, Asterios kills some adults.
Producer Jesse here! We've had a whole gaggle of callers since our last episode went live, which is great. Thank you all so much for leaving your voicemails at (347) 705-7617, and for submitting questions through the site.
That said, you all know this is a kid's advice podcast right? Because a few of these callers were obviously not... well here's a taste of the voicemails we received.
Voyagerges #1: That’s Not How Evolution Works
August 16, 2018
Is Voyager as bad as we remember?
As a kid, I gave Voyager like 6 episodes before getting bored. And I remember thinking to myself, "That's weird, I literally cry if I miss an episode of Deep Space Nine. Why don't I care about this show?"
I didn't hate Janeway, Chakotay, or Tuvok. I didn't hate the ship, the CGI or the music. I even liked the premise -- Star Trek meets Lost In Space, which was a show I knew an UNUSUAL amount about for a teenager in the 90's.
In the 2000's, the internet becomes a Voyager hate machine. The internet hates Voyager so much that I start to think, "God, was it THIS bad, or were we just disappointed in Star Trek as a whole?"
In the 2010's, the internet becomes a Voyager LOVE FEST. Everyone's watching it on Netflix and talking about how it had "a lot of good episodes" and how "Seven of Nine was pretty great" and "Robert Picardo was awesome" and I think:
Wait, was I wrong about Voyager?
So that's what this new addition to the Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory is all about. I'm gonna talk to Voyager fans and watch Voyager episodes and see if I can figure out what the hell's going on here.
I hope you enjoy our first episode, featuring Ballard Boyd, segment director for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert!
Porg Chatter #8: Hygiene
August 9, 2018
Sirancha continues to torture me with her "Best Debate" parody series in this week's episode of PORG CHATTER!
Waifu Wars 006: Please Ignore Those Gunshots Outside with Assburger & Mumkey Jones!
July 31, 2018
please support me on patreon so i can continue to buy crab pizza for the people who come to my apartment: http://www.patreon.com/asterios
Porg Chatter #7: There Is No Porgcast
July 26, 2018
Sirancha and I have a new porg!
He's Wallard's brother, but he's very small, so his name is...SMOLLARD:
Asterios Kills A Kid #5: Big, Soft & Cushiony
July 19, 2018
To Catch a Thrift-Shop-Owner, getting mean taunts out of your orbit, and what to do when you discover your teacher's twitter account...
Asterios Talks To Strangers #2: The Phone Losers
July 16, 2018
What if you could make your living by pissing people off?
That's what Brad Carter of The Phone Losers does. He's a professional prank caller, having made over 30,000 calls since the late 70's.
He puts out FOUR shows a week (two just for his patreons), was called a "corporate terrorist" by CNBC, and is currently on probation for prank calling a Safeway so hard that they ran crying to the FBI.
He's a genuine comedy hero of mine, and I hope you enjoy our chat!
Porg Chatter #6: Population Control
July 5, 2018
Porgs don't use alcohol to escape their problems. They're only addiction is hugs!
Sadly, Sirancha and I aren't porgs. We open this episode with a, frankly, unusually sincere conversation about how we both need to drink a little less.
But then we talk about Porgs so it's all ok, my dudes!
Asterios Talks To Strangers #1: Izzy Nobre
June 29, 2018
YES, IT'S ANOTHER NEW PODCAST!!
I know a lot of cool people! Do YOU? If not, you will soon...because I'm forcing them to talk to me on my new podcast, "Asterios Talks To Strangers!"
This week, we talk to my ol' pal Izzy Nobre. He's a Canadian/Brazilian YouTube star known for being a huge goddamn nerd about everything. I order you to love him!!
Asterios Talks To Strangers joins Waifu Wars, Science Friction, Asterios Kills A Kid, Porg Chatter and The Hour-Long Five-Minute Podcast in The Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. Why do I make content like this, instead of like a normal person? I'm not sure! Maybe I'm afraid I'll get bored of making the same show every week? Let's not think about it too hard!
Porg Chatter #5: Twitch Chatter [7,000 Download Special]
June 20, 2018
They said it couldn't be done!
They said that there was no way a podcast about porgs would EVER hit 7,000 downloads!
And YOU PROVED THEM WRONG.
Porg Chatter, the only podcast in the world that is EXCLUSIVELY about porgs, just crossed the magic 7,000 download mark. The established mark of excellence and quality for ALL podcasts, porg-centric or otherwise! 7,000 downloads! Let's hear it for ourselves!!
AND HERE'S TO 7,000 MORE EPISODES OF PORG CHATTER!! YES!! YES!! THIS IS NOT A MEME AND WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS
Science Friction 023: Catfish Fan Fiction
June 14, 2018
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
If you're anything like me, you've often wondered, "Where's Katie Sackhoff?" She killed it as Starbuck on BSG...so where'd she go? In this episode...WE FIND OUT!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
SF023 stars two of my favorite podcasters: Kevin Cole & Jeff Pennington.
Kevin DM's a D&D podcast called Pretend Friends, and Jeff runs a Star Trek podcast called M-Class. I love both of these dudes, and after you listen, you will too!
Waifu Wars 005: Sirancha Strikes Back!
June 8, 2018
Watch the video here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hjZWAYehr4
Wow. Well, we were gonna have a fun debate in this episode, but Sirancha kinda short circuits one of the girls immediately by pointing out their dark, criminal past. I gotta say -- this may have been the most fun I've had on Waifu Wars, just watching Sirnachos go ham in an anime debate.
If you wanna see Waifu Wars four days early, pledge for just a buck at patreon.com/asterios
Porg Chatter #4: Porgs Energy
May 31, 2018
"PORGS!" It's not just something you scream during sex...it's also the name of the latest canonical Star Wars cartoon, "PORGS!"
And we review the fuck out of "PORGS!" on this all-new episode of Porg Chatter. You can watch the two minute short, "PORGS!", by clicking here.
Waifu Wars 004: Three Waifus, One Weeb
May 14, 2018
i had to get REAL tore up to sit through this. it's a weird discussion where some guy, i guess he's youtube famous or something (his name is "Wang?") keeps talking about these cartoons like they're pieces of meat and it's just very uncomfortable. i mean literal pieces of meat, like he literally talks about their "thigh meat" and "drumsticks." god i almost threw up writing that. and sirancha's no help, she's just sitting there bidding on love live drinking glasses on ebay the whole time. why do i do this. do i hate myself THIS much?
Porg Chatter #3: Soverign Porgs
May 11, 2018
In an all porg judicial system, nothing would get done...EXCEPT SNUGGLES AND HUGS! Sure, innocent men would likely be put to death, but you gotta break a few eggs.
BUT NOT PORG EGGS.
DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THIS, YOU MONSTER.
Asterios Kills A Kid #4: Positivity: Fake It ‘Till You Make It
May 10, 2018
When they're not helping kids untangle their spaghetti brain, or getting them more views on YouTube, Asterios and Sriracha are helping mold our future cult leaders.