I’m Asterios Kokkinos and I’m here to say I make podcasts in a major way
Sirancha and I are in Orlando writing a new book and visiting my MOMMY!
We were doing some classic shitposting at the classic chain restaurant "Bahama Breeze" when longtime listener Brady offered us $15 to do a 5MP right on the spot.
So I whipped out my iPhone and hit record...here's what happened!
I love wrestling, and I bet some of the people in this audience do to!
In this new show, me and my old college bestie Larnock The Destroyer predict who's gonna win WWE PPV matches each month.
We keep score, and the loser has to suffer a deliciously ironic punishment.
It's like an Oscar pool, but with even less logic!
We're back! After a long hiatus spent making 983 other podcasts, Science Friction warps in with all-new episode!
And this time, we embrace the NEW. Forget that crusty ol' TNG – this week, we review episodes of 2018's hottest sci-fi shows, including Lost In Space, The Expanse and Altered Carbon.
Never heard of those shows? Me neither – I googled "new sci-fi that the kids like" and just rolled with it, baby!
The fuck? I'm not even IN this episode! Some Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory this turned out to be...here's the description from the Mother of Porgs herself, Siranche:
It's The Parker Luck, and I've got it bad. And that's good news for Maddox.
BUT: eventually, Peter Parker wins. You can't run from justice forever, George!
I'm being sued. I'm still being sued. I might be being sued forever. Here's the story!
For the first and last time, Asterios kills some adults.
Producer Jesse here! We've had a whole gaggle of callers since our last episode went live, which is great. Thank you all so much for leaving your voicemails at (347) 705-7617, and for submitting questions through the site.
That said, you all know this is a kid's advice podcast right? Because a few of these callers were obviously not... well here's a taste of the voicemails we received.
Sirancha continues to torture me with her "Best Debate" parody series in this week's episode of PORG CHATTER!
patreon.com/asterios, my dudes
please support me on patreon so i can continue to buy crab pizza for the people who come to my apartment: http://www.patreon.com/asterios
Sirancha and I have a new porg!
He's Wallard's brother, but he's very small, so his name is...SMOLLARD:
To Catch a Thrift-Shop-Owner, getting mean taunts out of your orbit, and what to do when you discover your teacher's twitter account...
What if you could make your living by pissing people off?
That's what Brad Carter of The Phone Losers does. He's a professional prank caller, having made over 30,000 calls since the late 70's.
He puts out FOUR shows a week (two just for his patreons), was called a "corporate terrorist" by CNBC, and is currently on probation for prank calling a Safeway so hard that they ran crying to the FBI.
He's a genuine comedy hero of mine, and I hope you enjoy our chat!
Porgs don't use alcohol to escape their problems. They're only addiction is hugs!
Sadly, Sirancha and I aren't porgs. We open this episode with a, frankly, unusually sincere conversation about how we both need to drink a little less.
But then we talk about Porgs so it's all ok, my dudes!
YES, IT'S ANOTHER NEW PODCAST!!
I know a lot of cool people! Do YOU? If not, you will soon...because I'm forcing them to talk to me on my new podcast, "Asterios Talks To Strangers!"
This week, we talk to my ol' pal Izzy Nobre. He's a Canadian/Brazilian YouTube star known for being a huge goddamn nerd about everything. I order you to love him!!
Asterios Talks To Strangers joins Waifu Wars, Science Friction, Asterios Kills A Kid, Porg Chatter and The Hour-Long Five-Minute Podcast in The Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. Why do I make content like this, instead of like a normal person? I'm not sure! Maybe I'm afraid I'll get bored of making the same show every week? Let's not think about it too hard!
They said it couldn't be done!
They said that there was no way a podcast about porgs would EVER hit 7,000 downloads!
And YOU PROVED THEM WRONG.
Porg Chatter, the only podcast in the world that is EXCLUSIVELY about porgs, just crossed the magic 7,000 download mark. The established mark of excellence and quality for ALL podcasts, porg-centric or otherwise! 7,000 downloads! Let's hear it for ourselves!!
AND HERE'S TO 7,000 MORE EPISODES OF PORG CHATTER!! YES!! YES!! THIS IS NOT A MEME AND WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
If you're anything like me, you've often wondered, "Where's Katie Sackhoff?" She killed it as Starbuck on BSG...so where'd she go? In this episode...WE FIND OUT!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
SF023 stars two of my favorite podcasters: Kevin Cole & Jeff Pennington.
Kevin DM's a D&D podcast called Pretend Friends, and Jeff runs a Star Trek podcast called M-Class. I love both of these dudes, and after you listen, you will too!
Watch the video here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hjZWAYehr4
Wow. Well, we were gonna have a fun debate in this episode, but Sirancha kinda short circuits one of the girls immediately by pointing out their dark, criminal past. I gotta say -- this may have been the most fun I've had on Waifu Wars, just watching Sirnachos go ham in an anime debate.
If you wanna see Waifu Wars four days early, pledge for just a buck at patreon.com/asterios
i had to get REAL tore up to sit through this. it's a weird discussion where some guy, i guess he's youtube famous or something (his name is "Wang?") keeps talking about these cartoons like they're pieces of meat and it's just very uncomfortable. i mean literal pieces of meat, like he literally talks about their "thigh meat" and "drumsticks." god i almost threw up writing that. and sirancha's no help, she's just sitting there bidding on love live drinking glasses on ebay the whole time. why do i do this. do i hate myself THIS much?
In an all porg judicial system, nothing would get done...EXCEPT SNUGGLES AND HUGS! Sure, innocent men would likely be put to death, but you gotta break a few eggs.
BUT NOT PORG EGGS.
DON'T EVEN SUGGEST THIS, YOU MONSTER.
We talk a lot about TV in this one! Because I was raised on TV, love TV, and will die holding a TV in my arms!
Holy shit these three weebs will not shut the fuck up about some dumb cartoon where Sailor Moon girls make wishes and become god and then someone steals half of God's power by invading Sailor Moon "valhalla" and becomes the devil. I'm not kidding or exaggerating at all: that is what this show is about. I thought it was called "Mediko Mekaniko" but it's actually called "Madoka Magica" and the girls seem pretty cool but I kinda don't know why we have to have a dark take on Sailor Moon.
Yes, his name is "Ass Burger!"
On his second channel, my ol' pal Mumkey Jones has a movie podcast called "Is It Kino?" Last night, we decided to mash it up with some Science Friction, and record a knock down, drag out, incredibly civil discussion about Avengers: Infinity War.
Enjoy, and happy tuesday!
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
THE GREAT VOYAGER DEBATE!!
No joke: my two guests Marly Halpern-Graser & Josie Campbell love Voyager. Josie likes it more than Deep Space Nine, which is insane to me, but god damn if she didn't make some pretty compelling points. We spend over a goddamn hour REALLY hashing out Voyager. It's an intense thrill ride of non-stop pedantry, ONLY ON SCIENCE FRICTION!!!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Marly Halpern-Graser | @MarlyHG
Josie Campbell | @CozyJamble
PRODUCED BY ZWICK!!!
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
I talk with two of my favorite people – animation writers Marly Halpern–Graser & Josie Campbell school me on how to write for Batman, The Teen Titans, and pretty much all the DC superheroes that you've ever seen on Cartoon Network.
Plus: we talk about how we're GOING to talk about Voyager, but never get around to it, so you'll hear that in the NEXT episode!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Josie Campbell | @CozyJamble
Marly Halpern–Graser | @MarlyHG
PRODUCED BY ZWICK!
Welcome back to The Five Minute Podcast! It's a special series I do every once in a while for my patreon subscribers – they each send me a topic, and I create a special little podcast just for them. Enjoy this batch!
Hey! If you've already seen this episode on my YouTube station – apologies. If not...listen up! And watch the fun at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59jpi5dIKLE
We bought a porg! He's gigantic and adorable, and you'll hear all about him in this brand new episode of Porg Chatter.
A kid calls the teacher "Dad", a teen's edgelord friends are growing up, and a boy is literally fighting off girl's advances. Read the rest of this entry »
Welcome to the unreleased pilot episode of PORG CHATTER! In this week's episode, Serancho and I discuss the world's most important fictional characters – PORGS – and how we can help Disney sell more of them.
Wasp sting your friend? 8th graders steal your snowball? A girl has bigger boobs than you? This episode's all about getting your revenge.
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
I'm joined by my comedy heroes from the legendary Chicago sketch comedy troupe Superpunk! You can hear their podcast here – I suggest starting with episode 11.
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Mike Betette | @Betette
Phillip Mottaz | @PhillipMottaz
Welcome to Waifu Wars! It's a YouTube series where me and Sirancho interview REAL ANIME NERDS and help them find the two-dimensional love of their lives. You can watch the video here.
In our first episode, which was actually made months ago but fuck it, we meet "Chuck." He's a real-life meme, as the commander of "Fort Waifu."
He loves two different fictional girls – Louise something, and Misaka something. I know nothing about them, and he seems creepily into their panties. Let's listen!
Welcome to the very first episode of Asterios Kills a Kid! We've got a site, the sound bits, a sexy thumbnail* – no workflow though! Who's supposed to write these descriptions? I don't know, I'm just the web designer. Ah well, fuck it here I go.
Welcome to PORG CHATTER! The world's first and only podcast dedicated entirely to PORGS. In our first amazing episode, we examine Disney's first out-and-proud gay couple, who happen to be PORGS! Proof above!
But for the WHOLE story, you're gonna have to listen...to PORG CHATTER! Hosted by Sriracha, with special guests Whang, Luke Simmons & Asterios Kokkinos.
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
It's our first ever digital-cyber call episode! Star Wars Minute host Alex Robinson and YouTube sensation Mumkey Jones dial in from their respective hideouts and discuss Kevin Smith, Degrassi: The Next Generation, and just how insidious these damn Pokémon games are.
THIS WEEK'S GUESTS:
Alex Robinson (Star Wars Minute) | @ARobTwit
Mumkey Jones (YouTube SUPERSTAR) | @MumkeyJones
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
I had to move heaven and earth, but I finally scheduled two bona-fide Star Wars experts to REALLY get into The Last Jedi. Joining me: Pete the Retailer from Star Wars Minute, and Cake Boss Ralph, who crashed on my couch after the recording in his Chewbacca PJ's!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Pete The Retailer | @PeteTheRetailer
Cake Boss Ralph | @CakeBossRalph
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
Live from a way-too-nice-thanks-to-Hotwire hotel room in Chicago! I play Nintendo Switch for the first time ever, experiencing the bizarre and hat-centric world of Super Mario Odyssey!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Clover Caveda | @CloverCaveda
Zwick | @dude2o
Bryan Boland | @RedheadBryan | I Deserve This Podcast
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
Live from an AMC movie theater in Times Square, it's three stoned assholes talking about JUSTICE LEAGUE!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Jason Pickar | @jasonpickar
Eric Larnick | I FORGET
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
PORGS!!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Joan Haley Ford | @JoanHaleyFord
Ed Galvez | @EdGalvez
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
The crew reacts to the latest Star Wars: The Last Jedi trailer! Was our love for it as large as the size difference between Starkiller Base and the Death Star 1? Listen in & find out!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Joey Clift | @joeytainment
Amanda Meadows | @amandonium
Geoffrey Golden | @geoffreygolden
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
I finally get around to watching the pilot to Star Trek: Discovery! Was it an Enterprise-D...or an Enterprise-B? Listen up!
With special guest star / one of my only friends left, Dick Masterson!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Dick Masterson | The Dick Show | @dickmasterson (Gab)
Sriracnaha | PARTS UNKNOWN
PRODUCED BY ZWICK!
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
It's our first ever "sorry this audio is so fucked up" episode!
Short version: I was very drunk on delicious alcohol sent to me by listener Oscar from Birmingham, and did everything wrong.
Longer version: the gain on my mic was turned up 2x. I saw my waveform as way bigger than everyone else's, but I thought, "You're a big fucking loudmouth, I'm sure this is nothing."
And boy, was it something!
Anyway: I'm sorry and I'll do better next week. Also: a listener asked for an Animorphs round, and I found a way to do one despite knowing nothing about the Animorphs.
Got something YOU want covered on the show? Tweet it to me, @asterios! I always wanna learn more stuff – or in this case, not learn.
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Alex Marino | @JAlexMarino
Pikachai | @Pikachai_MFC
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
Our intrepid crew of comedians plays Bridge Simulator Simulator, and we hear a case inside Asterios Kokkinos' Continuity Court! It's the trial of that one joke from The Simpsons where the cast from Cheers showed up, and you'll ONLY hear the verdict on Science Friction!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Justine Barron | @jewstein3000
Megan Sass | @Megan_Sass
Austin Wolf-Sothern | @wolfsothern
Eric Larnick | @iamryback/
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
WHAT is a Husbando Pillow and WHY does Crystal Beth want one? You gotta listen to find out, which I guess you're already kinda doing if you're reading this, so hello!
This week's mission: THE TRIAL OF RICK AND MORTY SEASON 3! Is it amazing, shitty, or more of the same? Our guests play judge, jury and executor, Judge Dredd style! Also, much like Judge Dredd, it would be better if Karl Urban was there.
AND: We play another new game, "BEST OR THE WORST," where our panelists discuss their favorite and least-favorite entries in the MCU! But first, I have to teach these fucking clowns what the MCU is. Can you believe these people?
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Alex J. Marino | @jalexmarino
Crystal Beth | @thecrystalbeth
Pete The Retailer | @petetheretailer
***ZWICK AUTHORIZATION CODE DELTA TWO OSCAR***
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls!
Hurry along, now!
Sorry if this a little late but, it's worth the wait!
This episode has the chills of This Week In Geek...
...and the thrills of One Minute D&D!
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Caitlin Barrett (The Brand Hole™) | @badnewsbarrett
Ralph Attanasia III | @CakeBossRalph
THIS WEEK'S MISSION:
I'm writing this description like a year after we recorded this episode because I forgot to last time so...maybe we talk about...ALF?
THIS WEEK'S CREW:
Carol Hartsell (Full Frontal) | @carolrhartsell
Sean Crespo (Full Frontal) | @SeanCrespo
Ballard C. Boyd (The Late Show w/Stephen Colbert) | @ballardcboyd
